Sunday, November 8, 2009
Intro to The Break-Up Book
Dear Grass-is-always-greener Girl,
It's eleven at night and I can't sleep. I never sleep well when I've spoken to you recently. I hate it. I can't remember a time when I felt good after talking to you. I mean, sometimes I feel marginally hopeful and somewhat flattered, but those sentiments are always shrouded in doubt and, eventually, disdain.
I can't sleep tonight because I know it's over. It's over because I'm ending it. I'm ending it because I'm tired.
I'm exhausted, actually. The merry-go-round was never my favorite ride at the amusemment park and, apparently, it's not my first choice in life either. The fact is this: if you wanted me, really and truly wanted me, you'd be with me. There would be no more exscuses, no more bull shit "It's complicated."
You would simply choose me.
And you haven't.
So, that's the end of it. You made up my mind for me.
I have made a pact with myself. I will not speak to you for at least a year from now. In that time, I will write what I fondly refer to as The Break-Up Book. Through this book, I will finally break up with you and break away from the cycle that characterizes us.
More than likely I will still be single and available after this year's time, but I will no longer be available to you. This is, quite simply, because I deserve better than this mess. I am entitle to forget about a fundamentally broken relationship.
I deserve to be content, if not happy.
This is my first entry in The Break-Up Book. I have only just begun to break up with you, eventhough we've not been lovers for nearly four years.
Maybe this attempt will actually succeed and I will get some sleep again.
(Well, you know who it is)